Good wedding planning assures that the wedding ceremony will be successful. This web site provides information to assist the wedding planner. Wedding history, customs, and traditions are covered as are the major events in a wedding. The wedding ceremony duties of the bride, groom, best man, bridesmaids, father of the bride, mother of the bride, matron of honor, page boy, flower girl, ushers, and other members of the wedding party are reviewed. Wedding favors and gifts are discussed.
Do you know where you are supposed to sit at a wedding?
Until the 1500's, marriages were not controlled by either the church or state in England. Weddings were usually an informal family ceremony where the couple exchanged vows. A sexual relationship was generally necessary before the marriage was considered a valid marriage.
During the 1500's, many couples began to go to church to exchange their vows, but there was not legal requirement to do so. In 1753 in England, a marriage act was passed which required all marriages, to be valid, to take place in the Church of England, Jewish synagogues, or Quaker meeting places.
After the state assumed a formal legal role in weddings, the process continued in the English-speaking world until the present day.
I live in the Greater New Orleans area and in May, my youngest daughter was married in New Orleans City Park.
My daughter's wedding is very significant to the family because, when Hurricane Katrina struck New Orleans in August 2005, my daughter elected to "ride the storm out" in mid-city New Orleans with her boy friend. The day after the hurricane struck, they found themselves trapped in mid-city New Orleans at the boy friend's home which was surrounded by flood water. All communications were out so the family, who had fled north to Baton Rouge (and other locations outside the path of the hurricane) had no way to know how the two of them were doing. For almost a week, they were trapped in New Orleans as that great city drowned. They were fearful of waving for help to helicopters because of the crime and violence being reported by the radio (all cell phones and TV were out). Finally, the boy friend's brother worked his way into the city and was able to rescue the couple. We were hysterical with delight when the front door opened at our Baton Rouge refuge home and they walked in, battered and weary, but still alive.
A few months later, they announced their engagement and they decided to have their wedding ceremony and wedding reception in New Orleans City Park which is covered by giant oak trees which, after the hurricane passed, were flooded to the lower branches. During the time they were trapped, they had been able to use the park as an boat access route (they had a canoe) to obtain food, water, etc, being dropped at certain locations by rescue helicopters. The park had been an important part of their experience during the hurricane and a return to City Park seemed appropriate to them.
You might say they love City Park even though the Park had become a silent park after the storm due to the destruction and/or dispersal of the park's bird population. Still, in the midst of the destruction, their canoe trips through the park were pleasant.
They have many memories of that week in which they fought for survival together. The memories will always be them. So will the wedding ceremony that followed.
The wedding planner needs to be familiar with common wedding customs and traditions in the local area where the wedding is to take place. Otherwise, the wedding planner is apt to make some serious mistakes in the wedding planning.
Asking For a Daughter's Hand in Marriage. This custom is just about gone but not quite all the way gone. I actually had one guy ask me for permission to marry my younger daughter several years ago. I was surprised. I gave permission, but, within a week, they had a falling out and my daughter married another guy as is described herein.
Engagement. Legally, it is an agreement or promise to marry. During the time between the marriage proposal and the wedding ceremony, the couple is said to be engaged.
Engagement Ring. Understanding the activity with the engagement ring is a key element of good wedding planning.
The engagement ring is worn by the prospective bride on the ring finger of her left hand. The ring, traditionally given to the prospective bride by the prospective groom, indicates that she is to be married. The ring represents a formal agreement of a future marriage. In some countries, the woman also buys a ring for the man but, in the U.S., this has not become a tradition.
In the event the engagement is ended, the question of whether the prospective bride is obligated to return the ring is subject to interpretation. If the man breaks the engagement, the woman may not be obligated to return the ring. But some legal authorities consider the the gift of the engagement ring a "conditional gift" and the woman is legally required to return the ring. There have been a number of lawsuits regarding the return of engagement rings.
Bridal Shower.
Another key element of wedding planning. Someone has to initiate the bridal shower event.
The bridal shower is a party thrown in honor of a bride. The guests give gifts to the bride at the party.
The old-fashioned bridal shower was simply a tea party for ladies only with inane (excuse me - I'm a guy) games being played by the ladies. The guests brought gifts for the bride and there was great fun in opening the gifts and having the bride exclaim over and over that "that is just what I need." This concept of the shower has been slowly changing to where, in some localities, the shower is now a night out for the bride and her friends. Down here in the conservative south, it is still more a tea party with games being played and gifts being presented to the bride.
My daughter's friends gave her an old-fashioned bridal shower.
Increasingly, in some localities, the shower is becoming an event for both bride and groom. Again, in the New Orleans area, it is still the bride's party and guys aren't usually invited.
Stag Night. Males only. Last celebration of the groom's single life before the wedding ceremony. Wild parties often ensue. Entire movies have been build around the hi-jinks of stag night. I don't think my daughter's husband-to-be had a stag night. His family and friends were still scattered to high-heaven because many had lost their homes in the hurricane.
Hen Night. Females only. Last celebration of the bride's single life before the wedding ceremony. Wild hen night parities appear to be less frequent than for stag night, but what do I know - I'm a guy.
Wedding Rehearsal Dinner. Not too much rehearsing went on at the rehearsal dinners I have attended. Mostly, the families of the couple to be married and the rest of the wedding party get together and exchange pleasantries over a good meal.
The dinner was a major event for my daughter's wedding because the boyfriend's family had been scattered to the far corners of the country (most of them lost their homes in the storm). They used the dinner as a coming-home party. They were now back in New Orleans to stay.
Best Man. A wedding custom that will live forever. The best man is the best friend of the groom who stands with the groom at the wedding. In ancient times, the groom would often kidnap the bride and if he needed assistance, he would ask his best friend (best man) to help. In more modern times, the major job of the best man is to make sure the bride's ring is available when the wedding ceremony starts.
Bridesmaids. Women who tends to a bride at her wedding. At the wedding ceremony, they traditionally walk down the aisle, ahead of the bride, with escorts.
My daughter did not have bridesmaids at her wedding. Things around New Orleans were just in too bad shape from the hurricane to ask her friends to prepare dresses, etc.
Normally, bridesmaids and their functions are an important custom of weddings. Feelings can be hurt if wedding planning is sloppy in this area.
Page Boy. Traditionally at the wedding ceremony, page boys would walk behind the bride and help carry her train. Also, they may be used to carry an ornamental cushion bearing the ring down the aisle to the point where vows are exchanged. Page boys are usually young boys of about ten or eleven years old or less.
At my daughter's wedding ceremony, page boys were not used.
Bell Ringer. At my daughter's wedding ceremony, my eleven year old grandson (my daughter's nephew) was the bell ringer. He was the first one down the aisle and, symbolically, rang a bell as he walked. He was a smash hit!
Flower Girl. My beautiful eight year old granddaughter (the bell ringer's sister) was the flower girl at my daughter's wedding. She followed the bell ringer down the aisle and sprinkled flower petals as she walked. The flower girl got more attention than anyone in the wedding ceremony but the bride.
Mother of the Bride. At my daughter's wedding, her mother followed the flower girl down the aisle. She was escorted by one of her grown nephews.
Matron of Honor (Chief Bridesmaid). An important member of the wedding planning and the wedding ceremony. Usually, a close friend of the bride. This person assists the bride who usually is overloaded with functions and generally stressed out. Custom dictates that the chief bridesmaid is the last of the bridesmaids in the wedding procession down the aisle.
The Matron of Honor customarily arranges Hen Night.
My daughter had a Matron of Honor who did a wonderful job of arranging things at the outdoor wedding.
Ushers. Handles the seating of family and guests prior to the wedding ceremony. Ushers can be family members or friends.
Father of the Bride - Giving away the Bride. In ancient times, women were considered the property of their father therefore her father had to give her to the groom. She then belonged to the groom. I have played this role three times with my daughters.
During the wedding ceremony of my daughter in City Park, I escorted her down the aisle to where the groom stood. I then kissed her and sat down. She took her place to the left of the groom during the exchange of vows.
Traditionally, the father of the bride paid for everything. Now the families often split the costs.
Where the Bride and Groom Stand During the Wedding Ceremony. The custom is for the bride to stand to the left of the groom. This wedding ceremony custom, again, goes back to ancient times when the groom used to kidnap the bride. During the kidnapping, he would hold her in his left arm leaving his sword arm (right arm) free for action in case some other gentleman had ideas about the bride.
Good Luck Sayings. The most familiar of the good luck sayings regarding what the bride must include in her wedding attire:
Something old! Something new!
Something borrowed! Something blue!
And a sixpence in her shoe!
Something Old. Something from the bride's family to ensure continuity with the new life (married life.)
Something New, e.g., new wedding gown. The new item represents the new life (married life) and the concept that the new life will be built by the couple together.
Something Borrowed. The bride should borrow something from a married lady in the family (or a close friend) of high virtue. It is also a reminder that the family and friends will be there for the couple long after the wedding is over.
Something Blue. Something to do with virtue.
Sixpence in Her Shoe. The sixpence represents a wished-for accumulation of wealth by the couple. I have seen one web site that sells, as their only product, sixpences for weddings
Seating on Both Sides of the Aisle. In ancient times, marriage was often used to bring two rival groups together. So, the custom was for the groups to sit on opposite sites of the aisle during the wedding ceremony to keep down fighting between the groups.
Bridal Bouquet. (Of which each type flower means something). The bouquet is traditionally given to the bride by the groom. The bride throws the bouquet backwards to the unmarried female attendees of the wedding. The girl who catches it is the next to marry.
My daughter did not throw the bouquet. She had tried to arrange her wedding in such a mode as to fit the post-hurricane conditions and that custom did not fit.
The White Wedding Dress. It is said that Queen Victoria started the fashion of wearing a white wedding dress. A white dress is a symbol for virginity. Traditionally, bridesmaids are supposed to dress as nicely as the bride, a practice that, allegedly, confuses bad spirits who may want to grab the bride.
Making the Wedding Dress. The bride is not supposed to make her own wedding dress.
Trying on the Wedding Dress. The bride is not supposed to try on her wedding dress until the wedding day.
Being Seen in the Wedding Dress by the Groom. The bride is not supposed to be seen in the wedding dress by the groom prior to the wedding ceremony.
Wedding Photographs. This is the most irritating part of most modern weddings. So much time is taken up at the reception taking professionally staged photographs of the bride and groom that little time is left for the bride and groom to visit with the guests.
My daughter refused to retain a professional photographer for her wedding. Instead, a number of guests brought cameras and my daughter and son-in-law have ended up with hundreds to unstaged photographs of the bride and groom, wedding party, and guests. These "amateur" photographs beat professionally-staged photographs by a mile.
This arrangement left my daughter and son-in-law plenty of time to visit with the many family members and guests that were present.
Wedding Music. One sees a great deal of variety in wedding music played at weddings and, to me, it appears that this is one wedding event that is not overdone as are certain other wedding events (see photography above). Most couples know what music they like and guests appreciate any good music.
In my daughter's wedding, the groom's brother (the one who rescued them after the hurricane) is an amateur musician and he and his partner played guitars and sang Beetle songs before and during the wedding ceremony. At the reception, they were joined by other amateur musicians and they focused on various New Orleans - related music (lots of Louis Armstrong and Fats Domino! ). It was perfect for this wedding at this time! The spirits of the guests were lifted by the music.
Wedding favors are small gifts given to wedding attendees by the bride and groom. The gifts are given out at either the wedding ceremony or, more likely, at the wedding reception. The small gifts are intended to show the gratitude of the bride and groom for the person attending the wedding.
Wedding Favors - Rich Beginning. Several centuries ago, rich folks began the tradition of wedding favors by giving small but expensive gifts to the guests when their daughters got married. The first favors from the rich folks were expensive trinket boxes (built of precious stones or other expensive materials) filled with expensive (at that time) sugar cubes or other delicate sweets. The early wedding favors appear to have been deliberately intended to convey the message that the gift-givers were wealthy and powerful people. In addition to sugar conveying the impression of great wealth, it was also thought to be a health food (how things have changed!). The gifts were known as bonbonnieres.
Wedding Favors Reach The General Population. The custom of giving out the wedding favors was very popular, and, as the price of sugar went down, the custom of giving out favors reached the general population. Of course, the general population could not afford the jeweled boxes so that part of the favors was phased out.
As the price of sugar continued to drop, the bonbonniere - sugar cube favors were replaced with almond favors, and, later, by almonds coated with sugar. The almond's bitter taste and sugar's sweet taste were thought to represent the bitter-sweetness of marriage.
Modern Wedding Favor Practice. In modern times, the giving of wedding favors to guests has become almost universal. A great deal of time is now spent by wedding planners in determining which is the proper favor for a particular wedding.
Many hosts still use almond and/or candy favors. A large variety of other wedding favor options are now available.
My daughter gave an envelope of seeds to each guest. This was intended to be a symbol for the rebuilding effort under way in devastated New Orleans. I thought the giving of seeds as a wedding favor was an original concept but, as I reviewed literature on the subject, I found that "seed" favors have often been used before. Still, I think seeds were an appropriate favor in post-Katrina New Orleans.
Variety of Wedding Favors available. An entire new industry has grown up around the demand for a variety of wedding favors. One of the more popular on-line favor companies advertises over 50 "groups" of favors. Each group contains multiple individual types of favors. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of wedding favors on the market! For example, there are cookie favors, coffee favors, disposable camera favors (to photograph the wedding), and the before-mentioned seed favors.
A lot to choose from!
This is one of the pleasures of getting married.....getting to choose your wedding favor!
But like all good things, have we gone overboard with wedding favors?
Wedding Gifts, Bridal Shower Favors and Other Wedding Supplies. In addition to wedding favors, the rapidly growing wedding industry includes many new products. Another popular favor is the bridal shower favor and baby shower favors is not far behind!
Other gifts include gifts for the wedding party - bride-to-be (of course), bridesmaids, flower girl, page boy, and, God Help Us, "best dog" gifts! Folks, it is going to have to stop somewhere! We can't keep expanding the list of people who receive gifts.
Wedding supplies include the bride and bridesmaids wedding dresses, tuxedo rentals, limousine service, wedding hall rentals, wedding reception catering, bands for music, and, looking ahead a little, all sorts of honeymoon arrangements. Of course, my favorite business associated with wedding gifts is the on-line shop that sells nothing but sixpence coins for the bride's shoes.
Best Wedding Movie DVDs. While my daughter was planning her wedding, there was interest among the family in watching wedding movies. Almost all such movies are lousy for watching - unless you are involved in an actual wedding. Then, they are watchable although none of the wedding movie DVDs would be my selection to take with me if I were to be marooned on a desert island for an extended period of time. In any event, if you have the stomach for them, here is a list of some of the best wedding-related movies that are available on DVD:
Knowing and following wedding customs and traditions are important for a wedding ceremony and proper planning is essential for a successful wedding. Choosing the "right" favors and gifts is an essential part of the wedding planning procedure.
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